So you buck up and try again…and this one brings the most perfect baby boy ever into your arms!!! And you love him with every part of your being and then you want to have another, a sibling…and you get pregnant, and lose the baby, and get pregnant again, and lose that one too. And just when you think you can’t handle anything more, you get pregnant again and lose that one too. You break….you are broken into 10 million little pieces. But your 2 year old keeps you together, you keep that tiny iota of hope. You find the right doctor with the right solution after months and months of searching…and you find another perfect baby in your arms. A miracle, a true miracle.
And then you think, I have more love, I want one more, how hard could it be? And you get pregnant again so fast, and it lasts longer than the others but still it’s gone. You blame yourself for hoping you can be like all the rest….but you go back to your miracle worker doctor and 9 months later your 2nd miracle is in your arms. My 3 boys that I love more than I ever could have thought possible would NOT EXIST if I hadn’t lost 5 of their siblings. It’s this bizarre parallel universe where the worst thing ever results in the best thing ever.
I barely kept my sanity through all of this, but the little I kept was beause of my Strong Mommas….an unlikely group of women, across the country who all lost babies around the time I lost my baby before Ethan. 8 years later we are still going strong. So as we celebrate 8 years of friendship we also remember why we are together. And I share my story to let those of you who may be going through the same horrible rollercoaster that there WILL be a happy ending. Don’t give up, don’t stop fighting for what you want most. If your doctor isn’t helping you then find another! If you are here I know you are going through this and so my heart is with you.