I’ve wanted to update here but I haven’t been sure if I should…I know the bitterness that comes with having one miscarriage or 5. I will never turn this blog into a mommy blog, but I feel like every story needs an ending and the part of my life that is focused on building my family…and all the pitfalls that I encountered while doing it, is done. My family is complete. There is a certain sadness in knowing that TODAY is the last day I will ever hold or snuggle my 3 month and 3 day old son…but for me there is an even bigger relief in knowing that I don’t have to go through the crazy worry and panic of being pregnant again. I get another IUD in next week. It will remain in place the full 5 years. My husband has decided that he will get a vasectomy next March. We are done. And I am content with that decision. They say you know, and I know.
I’m not sure what will happen with this blog at this point, but I would like to invite guest bloggers to contact me. If you would like to share your story, there is regular group of readers that will read your story and gain hope from it. When I started this blog 4+ years ago, it was simply a resource for me to keep track of my tests, thoughts, etc. I never realized so many people would read and comment! I will always respond to your comments. I’m still honored that so many women around the world have found this and found hope and ideas here.
Every once in awhile I start back from the beginning and retrace my steps….starting from a desperation point after my fourth miscarriage, before my second son was born. Now I have 3 beautiful boys in my life (4 if you count my husband, and, he’s pretty darn cute too!) It’s been a crazy, terrifying, stressful, but ultimately rewarding ride. That’s my ultimate point and what this blog turned out to be in the end…for you, for me…HOPE. Don’t give up. I know how desperate you feel. I know the hopelessness that comes with each bad blood test, appointment, etc. But…when you go to the doctor and see that heartbeat…when you feel your baby move…when you finally hold that baby in your arms. It’s all worth it. Every. Single. Fucking. Tear. Pardon my language…but seriously. It’s worth it. DO NOT GIVE UP.
Love, hope and hugs to each of you…..
Amy, Andrew, Ethan, Elliott and James