Confused, perplexed, annoyed with myself

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I’ll be the first to admit that I have a POAS (pee on a stick) problem. Every time I vow not to do this, and every time I go crazy.  I pee twice a day. I analyze the lines. I have 2 friends that I text pictures to and we analyze them together. My husband attempts to play along, but I know he’s probably laughing at me on the inside…as he should.

But I think this is a new low for me. So my last post was that I didn’t think I was pregnant. And I didn’t. I had been testing the booster out and the lines kept getting lighter and lighter. With my last successful pregnancy, my lines got darker at 9DPO and I ended up with my 2nd son. So I was hoping for a similar result this time, and when I didn’t see that I assumed I wasn’t pregnant. So, I waited a day (yes, I skipped one whole day) and tested again, expecting a negative, but it was darker. My afternoon pee that day was darker than the morning. So then I think, OK, maybe I AM pregnant. But then I start to spot (the day before my period is due.) And the lines get lighter and lighter again. I’m now 2 days past when my period is due and no period, and I’m still getting the faintest of lines. I never got my blood drawn so I can’t get official confirmation, but I’m pretty sure I had another chemical pregnancy. Oh well, what did I expect really?

I can’t believe I wasted like 15 tests!! Honestly I’m annoyed at myself for that. Thankfully they are dirt cheap but still.

Anyway, I’ve ordered my next round of Femara so we are onto our next try whenever my period actually does show up.

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9 thoughts on “Confused, perplexed, annoyed with myself

  1. Littlebird says:

    Sorry to hear you possibly had another chemical (so disappointing) but I just wanted to let you know I am so there with you! I had another chemical (9th I think although 2 are termed as actual miscarriages since they were after 6 weeks) in sept. I am also totally addicted to POAS. It’s expensive and addictive. I’m sure you’ve also seen that site countdown to pregnancy where everyone else who is addicted uploads their HPT photos and votes on if they’re neg or pos?

    Anyways, we are trying again but only a couple more times as I’m now on the later end of 40. The last two months we have made half-asked attempts and I’m pretty sure that something happened the first month as I can usually feel the implantation and my hormones were all over the place. Also, major cramping went AF came around but no BPF… Now this month I have been having some symptoms as well, but usually I have that the month after a chemical and it always tricks me so I’m trying not to test anymore as it’s 99% sure to be a waste of money-it’s so hard not to though. It’s just so unbelievable to me that I am NOT pregnant after two months of trying…usually it’s like a snap to get preggo, they just never stick. Oh well, I guess we’ll be trying again at the same time next month…hopefully better luck for both of us

    By the way, got my uterine NK cells tested and found out they are above normal levels so armed with a new treatment option for the next time (if there is one)….

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Hi Littlebird,

      Its good to hear from you again, though I’m so sorry to hear that you haven’t had the success you SO deserve by this point. I’m actually glad to hear that they found something wrong. Are you doing Intralipid treatment for your NK cells?

      A

  2. Lynn R says:

    I am really sorry…I feel your frustration. This is a roller coaster process for sure. I am 9 dpo and have already gone through half of my internet cheapies. Please don’t give up just yet…I feel something great is going to happen for you. ~Lynn

  3. Kim says:

    Hi, so I’m pretty sure the same thing happened to me this cycle. I’m 14 days past my trigger shot and I’ve been been getting consistently the faintest of faint lines for the past 4 days, but they aren’t getting any darker. Will you be doing the same protocol even though it resulted in a chemical pregnancy? This was my first medicated cycle and so now I’m just worried I’m unnecessarily taking medicines that won’t prevent me from miscarrying. I will be talking to my RE about it of course, but was just wondering what your thoughts were.

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Hi Kim,

      I’m sorry you are dealing with the same thing. Yes, I’m doing the same protocol this cycle. It worked once so I have to believe it will work again, otherwise I’m left with nothing but hopelessness. Since I never got betas drawn I’m not completely sure if I had another CP, its quite possible my tests are just too darn sensitive and the dye lots were off, but I don’t know for sure. I’m just going to hope that this time will work. I will hope that for you too. Hang in there. This roller coaster sucks.

      A

  4. Miranda L. says:

    Hey! It’s me again! After 2 recent chemical pregnancies, I am currently 5 weeks pregnant. Your blog is such a help to others, and I appreciate you sharing your experiences. My fix was just plain old Progesterone supplements. I’m praying that this pregnancy sticks…I am very nervous about it. I’m actually wanting to go get more tests just to make sure it is still dark! I just wanted to update you and wish you luck. I will be checking in frequently to see your journey!

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Congrats Miranda! So glad that things are looking good for you and may that continue!! I totally have a POAS (pee on a stick) addiction…whatever it takes to make you feel confident until you feel those amazing baby kicks. (I highly recommend getting a baby doppler too!) Thanks for the update and best of luck to you, please update in a few weeks and tell us how you are doing!

  5. Diana says:

    Hi there. I just completed my 6th IVF cycle. Positive blood test today, my level is 275. Praying my levels double by Thursday. I had a chemical pregnancy in November and I’m afraid of it happening again.

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