To try or not to try, that is the question

Of course no one can answer this for me, but we are at a crossroads where we decide whether to jump back into the game and hope for a better outcome, or call it a day.  I emailed Dr. Lessey and he agreed to prescribe the meds that resulted in Elliott.  Now I just have to fill it all and do it.  We are most likely going to Vegas in March so a big part of me would rather hold out a bit and enjoy that trip.  Plus Elliott would be a bit older which I like.  But I’ve been in a serious funk since this most recent miscarriage and I feel like the only way to snap out of it is to get (successfully) pregnant again.  I’m also TERRIFIED that what worked before may not work again.  I certainly have a LOT of hopes pinned on that regimen, but what if…WHAT IF??  I can’t even stand to think of it.  I naively thought that I could just get pregnant and have a baby..that is not my path.  But what if my last successful path was a fluke? Its just impossible to fathom..and yet 5 miscarriages also once seemed impossible to fathom.  Yeah…I’m scared.

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5 thoughts on “To try or not to try, that is the question

  1. P says:

    Hi A,
    having gone through the repeated early miscarriages myself, I know what you say when you talk about your fears.
    However your regimen of Letrazole+Estrace+HCG is light and minimal intervention when compared to the typical cycle treatments of more complex assisted reproduction methods. It has worked for you in the past and may be this is all the extra kick that your body needs to have a healthier lining and hold on to your babies. I wouldn’t double guess it unless it fails in multiple tries.
    Honestly, the more you know; the worse will be the fear… I am doing a series of extended testing this month (Yale biopsy + extended immune and hematological factors testing) and if that all comes back clear then my eggs are to blame. You had a post here on the uterus of “too fertile” females allowing “bad quality” eggs implant and my RE thinks that if all tests come back normal then this is my issue and as such he is prescribing IVF + PGD. PGD is a genetic screening of embryos and basically it will reveal if an embryo has a genetic abnormality and will cause miscarriage before it is placed in my uterus. However, bringing the eggs out and looking at them via IVF+PGD is the only way that they can determine the egg quality.
    There are many over the counter supplements that are supposed to improve egg quality and the IVF patients are advised to take them such as Coenzyme Q10 and you can take those to boost your egg quality if you are concerned about that.
    Let us know if you decide to try or not. No matter what your decision I am here to listen and am supportive of you.
    xx

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Peggy,

      Yes, I am relieved that my protocol is minimal and I’m hopeful it will work for me again. A good friend of mine who also had our issues (4 early miscarriages, another at 8 weeks) ended up going the IVF with PGD route. (She also had elevated NK cells and was a partial DQ-Alpha match with her husband, so she did Intralipid therapy as well.) But her IVF with PGD resulted in a sweet baby girl. So it worked for her. I hope you have similar success! Please tell me if they find anything with the extended testing.

      We are waiting until March to try. We are taking a trip and I don’t want to be pregnant until after the trip so we are taking a break until then. Hopefully I can avoid getting pregnant accidentally!!!

      A

  2. Tricia says:

    Thank you for sharing your story so honestly. I just found you tonight by trying to google some answers. I have a wonderful 18 month old son, but I was just told today that I will have my second chemical pregnancy in a row since we started trying for our second child.
    At 35, I feel panicky that my “time” is running out. I’m just so sad to get this news today. I was only able to make it through the first one by telling myself it was a fluke. The second one confirms that it wasn’t a fluke.
    I hope to get motivated to find some answers, but right now, I just feel like being sad.

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Tricia,

      I’m so sorry for your losses. Its just beyond devastating. I’ve been there so many times and my heart goes out to you. Take the time you need to grieve.

      It’s interesting because they do make such a big deal about being 35. I turn 35 this year and in fact would have turned 35 while I was pregnant with this last pregnancy that didn’t work out. The tune that the OB sings is totally different even though I would have turned 35 at the very end of that pregnancy. But then I tell myself that my mom had me at 35 and my sister at 37 and everything was fine. Its all statistics. While I hate that they make such a big deal about being 35+, it might not be a bad idea to go see an RE sooner rather than later. They want to run a bunch of tests and check things out before they will start to treat you and it usually takes a month or two. At a minimum I would ask your OB to run the RPL (Recurrent Pregnancy Loss) panel on you. They typically won’t do it until you have miscarried 3 times, but sometimes they will go ahead and run it if you push them. I don’t see why they make you lose another one!!! Hang in there….love your sweet baby a little more. Keep me posted.

  3. AK says:

    I too stumbled on this blog while looking for answers. Just found out I had a chemical pregnancy or a “spontaneous abortion” so the DR says. Although I know you don’t have all the answers it really was reassuring knowing that you have two little ones after everything you’ve gone through. Gives me hope!

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