I’ve always had this strange ability to know what is going on with my body. I know that I’m pregnant long before I get a positive pregnancy test. And I’ve had a bad feeling about this pregnancy from the start. I was hoping the bad feeling was because of my history. But it seems I was right. Went in for my appointment. The office decided to make it my “new OB” appointment, so I had to fill out all the new paperwork, talked about screenings, told me to avoid soft cheeses, etc. None of this sat well with me. I wanted to find out if this was a viable pregnancy before we went through all that.
Finally it was time for the ultrasound. As soon as the screen came up I knew it was all wrong. The sac was there and there was a huge circle in the middle of it, taking up most of the sac. It didn’t look like a baby. There was no flicker. She turned on the sound to try to listen for a heartbeat, but we didn’t hear anything.
She said the sac measured 6 weeks and the yolk sac was very enlarged, which generally was an indicator of a chromosomal issue. She said by this point there should be a heartbeat. That combined with the enlarged yolk sac added up to no good.
They gave me the option of waiting to miscarry naturally, taking cytotec or a D&C. I went ahead and got the cytotec, so now I’m at home waiting for it to end.
On the whole I guess I’m doing ok. I’m more angry than anything else. It just doesn’t seem fair to be experiencing miscarriage #5. My husband said that he thinks that the article that I posted here awhile back certainly seems to be the case for us. Super fertile women’s bodies let any old embryo attach, not just the good ones. https://recurrentearlymiscarriage.wordpress.com/2012/08/29/interesting-development-regarding-women-who-are-super-fertile-and-recurrent-miscarriages/ Lucky us.
However, I’m also trying very hard to focus on the fact that I have my two, amazing, healthy sons. That does help. I’m not feeling nearly as devastated as I have felt with my past losses. Maybe because this pregnancy seemed almost like a bonus.
I don’t know if we will get pregnant again. We probably will, but right now I just need to get through the next few days and then we’ll see what we are up for.
I know I don’t need to apologize to you guys, but I really wish I had good news for you all. I know a lot of you were hoping for a good outcome for me to give you hope. I’m so so sorry that I cannot provide that hope to you today.
But I HAVE had success after recurrent chemical pregnancies…my second son Elliott is proof of that, so if you need some good news (because this post is quite the downer) then read this instead. I know I’m going to be snuggling them close to give me hope as well.