2 years ago, I was as low as I have ever been in my life, having experienced 4 chemical pregnancies and completely unable to fathom how I could embark on the journey AGAIN, how I could jump back on the roller coaster, how I could set myself up for devastation and failure….AGAIN. But at the bottom of all that blackness was a speck of light, a speck of hope, a speck that said, “you can do this. It will all be worth it. Don’t give up.” With great trepidation, I mustered up what was left and gave it another try…and it actually worked. My miracle turned 1 on May 1 and I would go through it all again, every horrible second, to get him again. He is worth all of it and then some.
And its funny, because as soon as your baby turns 1, people start asking, “are you having another? Are you going for the girl?” To be honest, I think I do want another one. My husband isn’t so sure, but that is a discussion we will have seriously in another year or so. The ends justify the means, I know that, but I fully admit that I am terrified to jump back on that roller coaster. What if it happens again? How many times do I have to go through it again? Of course I don’t know these answers, I can only hope that maybe it will be easier, it will happen faster. But if not, if I have to do it again, I know that my 3rd child will be worth it too. And I will be leaning on all of you to remind me that I can do it.
Keep on hoping ladies…you are stronger than you think, you can do it!