I’m always here to listen…

If you have recently found this blog while hunting for answers, I wanted you to know I’m still here, checking comments and replying.  I don’t post updates here because other than taking care of my kids, there isn’t much to update, and I don’t feel its appropriate to post about my kids here.  When I was going through this nightmare, seeing other people’s babies brought up all sorts of unwelcome feelings.

But I am here…..here to listen, offer advice, offer support and encouragement.  If you want to tell your story to someone, tell me.

I hate that so many people end up here, hunting for answers, but I’m glad that my search for answers is somehow helping others.

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39 thoughts on “I’m always here to listen…

  1. daisy says:

    Thank you so much for the identification. I (also) started trying for a second baby shortly after my son turned one year. I also have the tilted uterus and never dilated during 36 hours of induced labour. I have just had two consecutive chemical pregnancies and am in the process of coming out of denial. At the mercy of the nhs unfortunately. lots to think about. thanks again.

    • rowanthefrog says:

      I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. I hope you can find a doctor who listens to you and is willing to dig deeper and find out what is going on with you. I hope you are successfully pregnant very soon. Keep me posted.

  2. Jessica says:

    Thanks for your blog! I feel like I have no one to identify with at all, everyone and I mean eveyone around me is pregnant and with relative ease, so its just hard to talk to them. I have had 2 recurrent chemical pregnancy losses and am currently seeing an RE but I am having my doubts on his treatment and I wanted to hear your thoughts. I have PCOS but am thin and do not have insulin resistance. I had my first mc about 4 years ago and then we started seeing my doc this September, he put me on clomid and on my 2nd round in nov i got pregnant but mc again at 4weeks. He did the RPL panel and the only thing he could find was elevated prolactin which he gave me cabergoline to control it and it lowered it back to normal. Since then he has really been pushing injectables/IUI and we cant really afford it since ins does not cover it and I am wondering if it would be ok to just try on our own with the cabergoline and progesterone support. I did my 1st cyclemof injectables/IUI in feb and got OHSS and I did’nt get pregnant. I’ve felt horrible physically/mentally and I feel that he’s being too aggressive but I feel ill equipped with the knowledge I have to make any kind of informed decision. i’m not sure the current method is the best but i’m afraid of another mc 😦 any thoughts?

    • rowanthefrog says:

      I’m sorry I thought I had replied to you before. I have known a few people with PCOS that don’t fit “the profile.”

      I also had a doc who was pushing injectibles and we couldn’t afford it either. Have you had them check your lining at 10-13 days? Have they checked into the immunological stuff?

  3. Alicia says:

    Hello!
    Congratulations on your beautiful baby 🙂
    I just wanted to ask your opinion on trying to get pregnant.
    Is it best to dtd every day? Every other day?
    It seems like it was easy for you to generally get pregnant most months so I was wondering if there was something I might be doing wrong to get pregnant since everything else is normal

    Thanks so much

    • rowanthefrog says:

      I can only tell you what we did. Starting around 7 or 8 days past the beginning of my cycle we would have sex every other day. Once I either got a positive on an ovulation predictor kit, or once I started feeling ovulation pain (which I had every cycle) we would have sex every day. I don’t know if that was it, but that’s what worked for us.

      • Alicia says:

        It worked!! 🙂
        Thank you so much for your advice and your amazing blog that is helping so many women out there.

      • rowanthefrog says:

        Oh yay!! Congrats and LOTS of sticky dust to you! Please keep me posted on how your pregnancy goes!

        A

  4. Lisa says:

    Wondering if you have any thoughts. I have one two year old whom I got pg with after only two months of trying. Am now ttc #2 and had a m/c at 6.5 weeks in November 2011 and just had a chemical pg this week. Meeting with obgyn in a few weeks and am wondering if you have any thoughts or ideas of questions. Thanks!

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Have they run the RPL panel on you yet? (Recurrent Pregnancy Loss). That would be the first step and OB-GYNS can do that one. A lot won’t do that until after you have had 3 losses, but if you ask or push for it hopefully your OB will be willing to run that for you. Depending on what comes back on that panel (or doesn’t) you will either have some answers to pursue or you might need to consult with an RE to get further tests run. I hope that you find yourself successfully pregnant soon though so you don’t have to deal with all of that. Keep me posted.
      A

      • lisa says:

        Thank you so much for getting back to me-lately it is like i eat, sleep and breathe thinking of nothing else. I have not had the panel run yet, but am seeing my doctor in a few weeks and plan to ask and push for it at that appointment. I will certainly post back here. Very happy that you have you had success! Unfortunatley, our insurance right now does not cover any type of infertility issues so we will be paying OOP if we go that route (until we can change programs next January)-I am praying we don’t have to go down that road

  5. EmI says:

    Hi, thanks for this blog. I just went thru my first chemical pregnancy. I had my kidney transplant in jan 2011 and was told that after one yr it’s normal and okay to try for a baby. anyways on our first try we got pregnant but I had my periods in the 5th week and we lost the baby. The grief that am going thru is so strong that even am surprised at myself. I got so connected with the baby, it was only for 5 days but still. Now I feel so scared that I might have it again. After going thru a kidney disease I finally thought this pregnancy will bring me some happiness but it ended before it even began. I don’t know how to overcome this loss. I also fear thatit might have something to do with my post transplant meds.

  6. EmI says:

    I had asked the OB GYN and she said it’s okay to try for babies now, the meds will not hamper the baby, but a miscarriage was never imagined. Previously, I only feared that I knight not be able to conceive but now I fear that even if I do I will not be able to hold it all along.

    • rowanthefrog says:

      I’m so sorry to hear about everything you have gone through and that you had a chemical pregnancy on top of it. Its crazy how connected you feel to your baby from the minute you know you are pregnant. I remember very clearly the devastation I felt when I lost my very first one. I thought I had lost a part of my soul 😦

      The sad truth is that something like 75% of first pregnancies end as a chemical pregnancy. I’m not sure if that is supposed to make you feel better or worse, but truly the vast majority of women who have a CP go on to have healthy pregnancies. Even me, with 4 CPs, managed to have two healthy pregnancies that brought me two amazing little boys.

      So don’t despair….I know its so hard to imagine it will be ok…I have been in your shoes…but hang in there. Wait a month or two and try again and I hope your next pregnancy brings a sweet baby into your arms.

      A

    • rowanthefrog says:

      I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Its surprisingly difficult, even when you are only pregnant for a few days. You feel so connected from the get go. I truly hope that is the only loss you experience and your next pregnancy brings you the happiness you deserve!! I would wait a cycle or two and try again. Chemical pregnancies are incredibly common, so just because you had one doesn’t mean you will never have a successful pregnancy. In fact, after my first CP, I got pregnant again immediately and had my first son. So don’t despair. I hope you are successfully pregnant very soon

  7. Hadley says:

    Just looking for encouragement or advice…. I am now experiencing my 3rd chemical pregnancy in 5 months… I am so devastated! We really thought this one would work. The reproductive endocrinologist I see just ran a Recurrent Pregnancy Loss panel on me, and did genetic testing of myself and my husband. Nothing showed up except a blood clotting issue which he says can be resolved by low dose aspirin. When we went in to go see him for this news, I was 11 dpo and had just gotten a positive pregnancy test. He put me on progesterone suppositories (the most common one – forgetting the name but it starts with C). Was that too late to help with this pregnancy? When should I be starting the progesterone? My beta at 11 dpo was 19 – not sure what my progesterone was. That was on Thursday – I just took another pregnancy test and have a very, very faint line (fainter than on 11 dpo) with FRER, which are pretty sensitive, so I’m 99% sure this is another chemical. Any advice so welcome – I just about want to give up, I’m so tired of this! I just feel like I can’t focus on anything else once I get a positive pregnancy test. All I do is sit around and worry, and my doctor isn’t as proactive as I’d like.

    • rowanthefrog says:

      My docs always told me that progesterone can provide extra support, but will not save a pregnancy that wasn’t going to work out anyway. I’ve been on progesterone for all of my pregnancies, sometimes starting as early as 5 days past ovulation, sometimes waiting until the bloodwork came back, and still lost them. My progesterone numbers always looked fine anyway, so I knew that was not the cause of my issues. So as for taking it “too late,” I don’t think it would have helped anyway. Not what you want to hear, I know and I’m so sorry 😦

      Low dose aspirin can help. I took that “for fun” even though I didn’t really have any reason to take it.

      For whatever its worth, this is the protocol that actually got me to stay pregnant. Might be worth presenting to your RE and see what your doc says. If they aren’t willing to try it, or offer any other useful suggestions, you might want to consider finding another doctor who will listen more carefully to your concerns. I switched doctors numerous times until I found one that I felt was truly listening to me. In fact, you can even try calling Dr. Bruce Lessey in Greenville, SC and see if he will consult with you remotely. He did for me.

      Good luck and please keep me posted on your progress.

  8. Hadley says:

    Thank you SO MUCH for responding (and so quickly). I just got my betas back today – 27, from 19.7 4 days ago, so not so good. They won’t let me stop the progesterone, though, until I go in for a 3rd beta test on Wednesday. Hopefully after that the doctor will actually call me to tell me what to do (that’s the other thing – they’re so busy that I feel like I get lost in the shuffle).

    My doctor gets really impatient whenever I’ve tried to ask him even a few questions – like once I asked him if maybe it was a uterine lining problem, and he sort of mumbled “maybe” and shrugged; then I asked him how / if it was related to PCOS, and he bit my head off about reading too much on the internet and asking too many questions. I don’t feel like he’s willing to have a long conversation with me about what’s going on – he gets clearly irritated if I ask any informed questions. My husband noticed this – he told me to take a low dose aspirin because of the blood clotting problem and I said that I had been because I had read that it doesn’t hurt, and can help some women with CPs – and he snapped at me and said that it was an old wives tale – that it was just a fluke it would help in this particular case.

    I have an appt. with another doctor soon, so I’m hopeful… but sad about this one. I know a low rise can work out but this is too low for hope…

  9. Laura UK says:

    I have only just found this and I wish I had found it in november when I went through a missed misscarraige. I feel pregnant just after my 22nd birthday and was so excited. Had no problems up untill I was 12 weeks and I started spotting went to the doctors and I had a water infection she told me every thing looked ok and sent me for a scan just in case. The night before the scan I was in A&E all night with bleeding they also told me every thing should be ok.
    The day of the scan was the worst day of my life I was told my baby died at 8 weeks what ment it died 4 weeks before the worst thing about it was I had a massive screen infront of me and I could see my tiny lifeless baby in front of me. I was sent home and was told if I was still bleeding in 2 weeks go back and I would be rescaned and giving an opp.
    Six months on me and my boyfriend are trying again but no luck so far. I have missed a period but negative test. This is the first time I have been able to talk about it people don’t want to know and expet you to get over it with in a week. When its heartbreaking for the people who go through it !

  10. Morgan says:

    Hi, I really appreciate your blog. I have currently been off the pill for a little over 5 months and TTC for 3 months. I experienced a chemical pregnancy two months ago, and I’m nervous that I am experiencing another one now. In the first situation, I was a week late but the hpt came back negative. I called the doctor then and they had me come in and take a blood test. The blood test at the doctor came back very low at a 7, but doubled to a 14 the next test. They told me it looked like very early pregnancy! Unfortunately, a few days later I had severe cramping and bleeding. I was devastated to say the least.

    Last month I had a regular 28 day cycle. Today, I am a week late and showing a negative pregnancy test. I have similar symptoms as I did with the chemical pregnancy. My question is, should I bother calling my doctor to get an hcg test to be sure it’s a chemical pregnancy? Or, should I wait this one out and just call if it happens again? Also, do you think it has anything to do with the fact that I was on the pill for ten years? I have been off of it for almost six months now. Thanks!

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Hi Morgan,

      I’m so sorry to hear about your loss and about what is going on now. As far as getting your HCG levels drawn? Honestly its your call – it could be a CP, or maybe you just ovulated late and didn’t realize that your cycle this month was longer than last month. Getting your betas done is the only way to know for sure. Do you want to know? Then do it. If you are ok with not knowing then don’t.

      As far as the pill, I remember wondering that too. I was on the pill for 15 years but I don’t really think that is what causes CPs. I know many, MANY women who were on the pill as long or longer than I was and didn’t have them. 1 chemical pregnancy is pretty common. I remember reading some statistic that something like 75% of first pregnancies ended as a chemical pregnancy. Sort of a warm-up, if you will. That didn’t exactly help me emotionally when I went through it, I was incredibly devastated when I lost my first one, but apparently most women have them and many don’t even know unless they test early. The 2nd CP seems to be considered unlucky or unfortunate. Once you hit 3 though then I wish doctors would pay more attention. Its hard though, I remember being so angry and confused and scared that I would never get pregnant. I will tell you that through my losses, I have also had 2 successful pregnancies and there are several women now with a similar history that have also had successful pregnancies…so don’t give up. I know its hard and I know its scary but don’t give up. Keep me posted on your progress.

      A

  11. Kara says:

    Hi I have had 3 miscarriages in a row now and it is really getting me down I have just been today and they Are transferring me to a specialist to see what the problem is I am starting to give up hope now although I do think I am a little bit selfish as I already have 1 daughter and I should be grateful for what I have not what I want I love my daughter to bits and I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for us thanks for listening to my story x

  12. Kara says:

    Hi I have had 3 miscarriages in a row now and it is really getting me down I have just been today and they Are transferring me to a specialist to see what the problem is I am starting to give up hope now although I do think I am a little bit selfish as I already have 1 daughter and I should be grateful for what I have not what I want I love my daughter to bits and I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel for us thanks for listening to my story x X

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Kara,

      I’m so sorry to hear of your losses. I really hope the specialist will help you dig in and find out what is wrong so you can figure out how to keep this from happening again. You aren’t selfish for wanting to have another child. Not at all. Your daughter is a blessing and how is it selfish to want that blessing again in your life? Don’t give up, the road may be long, but its worth it in the end. Keep me posted on what the specialist says.

      A

  13. G. says:

    Hello there,
    I am glad I found your blog. Thank you for posting all of the information you have. It’s helpful to us that are dealing. I found out around 4 weeks that I was pregnant. Now I’m 6.5 weeks and have not felt pregnant. Zero symptoms except for sore breasts..This is my third pregnancy, 1st one ended around six weeks second I got a daughter! and now third. I felt something was wrong so I called my dr to go in. He did an ultrasound and found a sac but no baby. (well a spot where a baby should be)He called it a chemical pregnancy. Although they called it a miscarriage the first time?? I’m not sure the difference. Anyway So from what it seems the baby looked as if it started to develope but stopped early. I have been carrying it though for 6.5 weeks and nothing is coming out. I just want to start again, but feel I can’t move forward. How long did it take you to pass anything? I hope I don’t carry around this dead baby for weeks/months more!

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Leah,

      I’m so sorry to hear about your losses and what you are going through. The technical definition of a chemical pregnancy is a pregnancy that ends before you can see anything on an ultrasound, so your current loss I think would be categorized as an early miscarriage instead of a chemical pregnancy. I’m so so sorry.

      For me, mine typically ended on their own and I started bleeding between 4.5-6 weeks. If nothing happens then you can talk to your doctor about having a D&C or there are also some medications you can take that can speed up the process. Two that I can think of are cytotec and methotrexate. Perhaps you can ask your doctor about those options.

      I”m so so sorry. I really hope your next pregnancy is successful and brings a baby into your arms.

      A

  14. Raina says:

    Thank you so much for all this info. I really would love to hear from you.

    • rowanthefrog says:

      You are welcome Raina. If you have any questions, please let me know.
      A

    • Raina says:

      My husband and I have been Ttc for two years. After some problems on his end mainly sperm mortality and count has been resolved our Re wanted to do test on me. Unfortunately we lost our insurance and found out we just need to keep trying. Our insurance has been deactivated and I was excited to get tested when during intercourse I saw a pink blood. I was ovulating so I figured maybe that was the reason. 3dpo I started spotting pink and then dark red blood visible only when I wipe. I now know I was implantation bleeding. At the time I was alarmed as i was accompanied by a dull lingering pain almost like a pressure on my left pelvic bone and radiating to my left lower back. My work involved standing for the whole shift. I went to see my OBGYN thinking something was wrong. While I sat there telling her about my plans with the fertility spe. She reffered us to she said I was pregnant! I cant believe it. It happen without anyone’s help. At this time I wanted to be realistic about the possibility do I asked how that is possible at only 6DPO? She ordered beta and the result was positive. Mind you I had no pregancy symptoms but my HCG level was 95 at 6DPO and my progesterone was 6.5. This was the best news only problem was the pains in my lesft side near my hip bone and and the spotting. My doctor prescribed Progesterone 200 mg twice daily. I went home I shared the news with my husband who has since then treated me like a very delicate egg. As the progesterone kicked in I stated feeling pregnant. Heavy nausea and dizziness and constipation. Today a week later and 13DPO and 3 days before my period I tested negative on all the home pregancy test and this morning I also used the urine test from quest diagnostics that I friend gave me. For the past 4 days my symptom r none existant even though I am using the progesterone. I have been worried sick that I may be having chemical pregancy. I have a whole three days to wait and my first prenatal app isn’t until December 6th. Please help me understand how my urine test although very faint and blood test can be + only 6dpo and now the same urine test give me negative (- )13dpo???? I dont know what to do. I wake up at 4 every morning with worry and I read and do research I am more aware now thanks to strong women like you you take a stand and I for one applaud you. I want to be able to learn from this if infact it ends up a CP. so today I will call my fertility sp. and inform him that I am pregnant and also call my OBGYN today and see if they can do another blood draw. Please reply with any advice and thank a million for starting this blog. It has made me feel more confident in being my own advocate.

      • rowanthefrog says:

        Raina,

        I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. I wish I could tell you that I think this will turn out well, but in my experience, when you have a positive test that turns negative then it means you are having a chemical pregnancy. Also, your initial progesterone numbers are pretty low, which is often a sign of an impending miscarriage. I’m so so sorry. The blood test will tell you for sure, either your numbers will be higher or they will be lower. However, if you are getting a negative pregnancy test now then I would prepare yourself for bad news. I’m just deeply sorry. I remember so clearly the day my OBGYN called to tell me about my first loss and I thought my world was turning upside down. My recommendation for you would be to start progesterone supplementation at 3DPO, even before you find out if you are pregnant. You also may want to ask your OBGYN and RE about what other things you could do to increase your progesterone. For whatever its worth, I remember reading a statistic that something like 75% of first pregnancies end as a chemical pregnancy. I don’t know if the body just needs priming or what, it seems like such a high statistic. But having one chemical pregnancy is not necessarily an indicator that something is wrong or that you won’t have a baby. Not at all. In fact, after my first chemical pregnancy, I was pregnant again the next cycle and had my oldest son 9 months later. I know it doesn’t make it hurt any less, but please don’t despair and give up hope. Keep me posted, and know that I’m giving you a huge virtual hug from afar. It will be ok.

        A

  15. Christine says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. My husband and I have been TTC for 7 months and finally had a positive HPT a week ago. Took another one 3 days ago that said I was 4 weeks pregnant. I started bleeding last night and went to the ER. The doctor told me I had never been pregnant and the tests were just false positives and my period was just a week late. No talk of CP. Going to see my ob/gyn today to discuss when we can start trying again. Knowing I’m not alone and that I most likely was pregnant even if the doctor didn’t believe me is helping me to cope with the sudden loss.

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Christine,

      I’m so sorry for your loss. ER docs are notorious for being pretty clueless when it comes to pregnancy and miscarriage issues. You were pregnant. There is no such thing as a false positive unless you recently had a miscarriage or an abortion.

      You should get your HCG levels drawn though. Sometimes you can bleed and things can turn out to be ok…sometimes not, I’m not sure how heavy your bleeding was. If your levels are rising then there is still hope, but if not then I’m so sorry. Hopefully your OB will run those HCG levels today and then again in 2 days to see what is going on.

      The good news is that having a single chemical pregnancy, while devastating, is common, and you have a very good chance of getting successfully pregnant again the next time. In fact, after my 1st chemical pregnancy I got pg again immediately afterwards, no period in between, and had my son.

      I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. Please keep us posted.

      A

  16. Nora says:

    Hi and thank you for your blog. I am in Santa Monica and just found out today that I am having my third recurrent miscarraige since July 2014. I have no love babies and seem to get pregnant very easily but they don’t stick. I am being sent to a fertility specialist and your blog will help me ask the correct questions. I have had a lot of testing but my husband hasn’t had any so that may be the next step. I’m so sad but trying to stay hopeful. Thank you for writing this blog.

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Hi Nora,

      I’m so sorry for your losses. I’m glad you are seeing a specialist and I hope they can find a plan that will bring a sweet baby into your arms. Please keep us posted.

      A

  17. Anna @ To Make a Mommy says:

    Your story is fantastic. I love the details, and I especially love your dogedness in getting to the bottom of your issue and finding the right treatment. I had reoccurring early losses but my diagnosis was extremely high FSH (34) so egg quality was blamed. The doctors refused to do IVF with an FSH that high and suggested donor eggs. I did a crazy diet and mind body practice and was pregnant naturally in two months. Now, my little miracle is a yearold, I’m still nursing 3-4 times a day, and I’ve just had 4 chemical pregnancies in a row. I know it’s probably the same thing combined with low progesterone.from nursing, but it’s still hard! Guess it’s time to buckle down with the diet!

  18. Tina Baker says:

    I know this is an older blog, but I wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. I am having what I think is my 2nd chemical pregnancy in a row and reading this gives me hope. Thank you!

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Tina,

      I’m so sorry for your losses. I’m glad you have found some hope here. I hope your next pregnancy brings a sweet baby into your arms.

      A

  19. Shannon says:

    I want to thank you for posting your experience online. I am currently struggling to find answers after 4 m/c and 2 chemicals. I have one live daughter who is a miracle in herself. Your blog has been insightful and is giving e a direction to go in for answers.

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