Miscarriage and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today, October 15, is Miscarriage and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  I hate that we even have to HAVE a day like this, and yet, I’m glad we do.  For so long no one ever talked about miscarriages.  And if you were unlucky enough to have a late term loss or stillbirth then you were given, what, a month or so before you needed to “get over it.”

I do think that the internet age has given people the forum some need to talk about their losses, ask for support, look for answers, ask questions and ultimately realize that you aren’t alone.  Which is a good thing.

For me, my miscarriage journey is tied completely to a group of amazing women who have “never left my side” so to speak, from day 1.  I’ve only met a few of them IRL (in real life) but they have all rallied to my side to help me cope with each loss.

I met the “Strong Mommas” on The Bump’s Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss message board.  I found myself there as I experienced my first chemical pregnancy.  Confused.  Sad.  Scared.  These women answered my questions, gave me virtual hugs and welcomed me with open arms.  And when I found out I was pregnant again, they cheered for my success and held my hand through those nail biting betas.

With them, we campaigned for the “Pregnant After a Loss” board and ultimately the “Parenting after a loss” board.  Then, as a group we decided we wanted our own private forum to talk and we left the bump to create our own board.

As we TTC #2, and I went through loss after loss, test after test…..they were with me all along, online and on the phone.  Staring at pregnancy tests, trying to determine if there was a line and if it was darker than yesterday.   During this time I moved from my hometown up to New Jersey and some of the women from the board were the first people I met in my new state.  They supported me as I started my new business and one even came to my side with chicken broth as I was experiencing my 3rd miscarriage, with my husband out of town and a raging stomach flu, trying to care for my 18 month old.  Ultimately, it was one of these women who referred me to Dr. Lessey, who was the doctor who put me on the protocol that brought my 2nd son into my arms.

Its not JUST an online message board…its so much more than that.  Its an entire group of women who UNDERSTANDS.  Who knows what to say.  Who knows how you feel.  I feel lucky to have that, in addition to my “real life” friends who have also supported me in many wonderful ways.  But today I want to thank my Strong Mommas for everything you have brought into my life.

And here is a GREAT post by one of them, about What NOT to Say to someone who has experienced a loss, on her blog, GeekMom.com.

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9 thoughts on “Miscarriage and Infant Loss Awareness Day

  1. Jess says:

    We love you Amy!!!

  2. tlwt says:

    Hi, I find myself in very much the same situation as you. I have a two year old that was conceived immediately with no problems. We decided to start trying again this fall, and have had 2 very early losses (4.5 weeks) back to back. My OB did run the RPL panel (still waiting to hear back on that), but that’s it. She said I need to wait 3 months and try again. I am concerned she’s not doing enough (I asked to be referred to an RE, she said no) and that this is just going to keep happening. In addition, I don’t want to wait at all. The losses were so early, how much time can it really take to heal? I would love your advice. Thanks so much for posting all of this information and your story.

    • rowanthefrog says:

      First, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Sucks that anyone else has to deal with this pain. I’m glad you found my blog and are finding it to be helpful.

      As far as my opinion, I would wait until you get the results from the RPL panel. I know its tough to wait, I know how much you just want to dive right back in, but see what comes back. I typically think that waiting for 1 period between losses is a good idea, especially after back to back losses. While they are early, the body does need a little time to recover. I’m sure your OB is doing the best she can, but in the end, OBs are really there to help you once you are pregnant, not get pregnant. Most REs won’t see you until you have had 3 losses though, but I hope it doesn’t come to that for you. Do you HAVE to get a referral from your OB to see the RE or can you just make an appointment?

      Unfortunately, a lot of the medical community generally discounts chemical pregnancies, some don’t even count them as miscarriages which I think is ridiculous. Since they are so common they tend to write it off as bad luck when you have more than 1.

      If I were you, I’d wait one cycle and see what the RPL panel says. If something comes up, then you have something to treat and that will ease your mind when trying again. If nothing comes up, you can roll the dice and try again, or consider talking to a specialist. Would your OB checking your lining pre-ovulation? Has she done the cycle day 7 workup on you and test your FSH and all that? There is a lot your OB can do if she is willing and it will usually be covered by insurance whereas REs can get expensive very fast depending on your plan.

      Best of luck and keep me posted on your progress.

      • tlwt says:

        Thanks, I am sure you’re right! I’m just feeling impatient. I hope my story has a happy ending like yours. I am supposed to get an ultrasound next week (though that will be after ovulation), can they check my lining at that? And no, she didn’t do a cycle day 7 workup — (though she did the RPL panel on CD8) she said I didn’t need to test FSH because I am obviously ovulating. She is a brand new doctor and I’m not totally confident she knows what she’s doing. What else do you think I should ask her to do?

      • rowanthefrog says:

        You may want to ask for a lining check, an estrogen level check pre-ovulation, and a progesterone level check post ovulation. have they put you on Prometrium or any progesterone supplementation post ovulation?

  3. Karina says:

    I read your entire story last night and today I couldn’t help but to feel so hopeful, THANK YOU for that!!! I so appreciate you putting up this blog and giving us all some hope that we too will hopefully get to hold our little babies someday!
    I’ve had 3 chemical pregnancies in the past 6 months and one 3 years ago when my husband and I were only dating, plus a miscarriage at 6 weeks followed by a D&C 5 years ago, all this with my husband. 11 years ago when I was only 16 years old I got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl with my high school sweetheart at the time. I don’t know if maybe its me and my husband who are not compatible with one another. I just started getting checked yesterday, I had my sonohystogram and it came back completely normal. Next is blood work. My OB is checking all of this; Antibody Screen, Factor II, Antithrombin III, Anticardiolpin Abs, IgG, IgA, IgM, Chromosome Analysis, Factor V Leiden Mutation, Homocysteine, MTHFR Mutation, PAI-1 4/G 5/G Polymorphism, Protein C, Protein S and TSH. I am hoping to get an answer.
    I remember right before we got married I would sit there and look at a calendar and think okay so by this time next year I want to be pregnant. That time was 6 months ago! If I hadn’t lost my first pregnancy this year I would be giving birth in 3 weeks, that’s all I think about. Getting pregnant at 16 was soooooooo easy and now that I am 28 and can NOT wait to give my daughter a sibling or my husband a child of his own it is soooooooooo difficult 😦 life can be unfair!!!!

    • rowanthefrog says:

      I’m so sorry to hear of your losses. Its crazy how life works sometimes huh?? Sounds like your OB is kicking you off to a good start. I hope you get some information back from the tests that helps bring a baby into your arms. If not, you may want to consider seeing an RE in your area that specializes in Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (and you may want to phone interview them first to make sure they “count” chemical pregnancies, and some (idiotically) don’t.) OBs can only do so much, in the end their job is to take care of us once we are pregnant, an RE specializes in getting people pregnant. It may take some time to find the right RE though. Trust your gut, keep asking questions and if they aren’t listening to YOUR history, move on.

      Keep me posted on your progress..

      A

  4. Sara says:

    Hello, congratulations to finally succeed. I’m going through the same problem…lost 3 pregnancies and don’t know where to go from here. Good thing I read your blog so I’m going to seek out some of the tests you mentioned. I admire your braveness.

    Regards,
    Sara

    • rowanthefrog says:

      Hi Sara,

      Thanks for your comments and I’m so sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. Its so devastating. I’m glad you are seeking additional testing. It’s the first step to figuring out what is wrong, and hopefully finding a solution to fix it. I hope that your doc will work with you. Please keep up posted.

      A

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