Today, October 15, is Miscarriage and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I hate that we even have to HAVE a day like this, and yet, I’m glad we do. For so long no one ever talked about miscarriages. And if you were unlucky enough to have a late term loss or stillbirth then you were given, what, a month or so before you needed to “get over it.”
I do think that the internet age has given people the forum some need to talk about their losses, ask for support, look for answers, ask questions and ultimately realize that you aren’t alone. Which is a good thing.
For me, my miscarriage journey is tied completely to a group of amazing women who have “never left my side” so to speak, from day 1. I’ve only met a few of them IRL (in real life) but they have all rallied to my side to help me cope with each loss.
I met the “Strong Mommas” on The Bump’s Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss message board. I found myself there as I experienced my first chemical pregnancy. Confused. Sad. Scared. These women answered my questions, gave me virtual hugs and welcomed me with open arms. And when I found out I was pregnant again, they cheered for my success and held my hand through those nail biting betas.
With them, we campaigned for the “Pregnant After a Loss” board and ultimately the “Parenting after a loss” board. Then, as a group we decided we wanted our own private forum to talk and we left the bump to create our own board.
As we TTC #2, and I went through loss after loss, test after test…..they were with me all along, online and on the phone. Staring at pregnancy tests, trying to determine if there was a line and if it was darker than yesterday. During this time I moved from my hometown up to New Jersey and some of the women from the board were the first people I met in my new state. They supported me as I started my new business and one even came to my side with chicken broth as I was experiencing my 3rd miscarriage, with my husband out of town and a raging stomach flu, trying to care for my 18 month old. Ultimately, it was one of these women who referred me to Dr. Lessey, who was the doctor who put me on the protocol that brought my 2nd son into my arms.
Its not JUST an online message board…its so much more than that. Its an entire group of women who UNDERSTANDS. Who knows what to say. Who knows how you feel. I feel lucky to have that, in addition to my “real life” friends who have also supported me in many wonderful ways. But today I want to thank my Strong Mommas for everything you have brought into my life.
And here is a GREAT post by one of them, about What NOT to Say to someone who has experienced a loss, on her blog, GeekMom.com.